What She Wrote ♡ L

The number of ambassadors various mental health charities have lately is astounding. It's so inspirational to see the likes of The Royal Family, Fearne Cotton and fellow blogger Zoella all supporting different charities. They each have shared their own experiences battling with their mental health, when they realised they needed help, when to talk to someone and how to overcome it.

I have tackled the first two steps but I'm still trying to overcome it all. Y'see some mornings I wake up and feel great, I do my usual routine and sometimes even go on a mad cleaning spree (who am I 😂?) But then some mornings, it's bad. I wake up with evil butterflies in my stomach for no reason, a weight on my chest as if someone is sitting on it and instant thoughts of failure. Those are the days I don't leave the house, sometimes don't eat till my partner is home and although I try my best to distract myself I usually end up just lying on the sofa, binge watching reality TV or the soaps (probably not the best TV to watch to boost your mood ey?). A couple of hours pass and then I end up feeling really guilty for doing nothing. I mean everyone is entitled to 1 or 2 lazy days when they're feeling down in the dumps, but I think if it gets to 3 days that's when you have to give yourself a kick up the arse and shake yourself out of your funk. There are so many things you can do to help yourself, in fact I think I will touch on that in my next post. I'll share the things I do to help myself in order to keep my spirits up!

For now though why don't you watch this video I have shared, it is Prince Harrys' speech on Mental Health from when he visited my hometown Newcastle a few days ago. He touches on how important it is to talk and admitting you may need help, that there is no shame in it. That it doesn't make you weak and to find the courage within yourself to speak up, whether it be you or someone you know who is struggling. To talk, listen and care. It really can help make a difference. I find him so sincere and inspiring, his Mum would be so proud.

I first experienced mental health problems 2 years ago. I was working down South as a merchandiser for a high street brand. I initially stayed down South because I was with someone I thought I was in love with (boy was I wrong). I had just graduated from university and got myself a decent job in the industry I studied about, fashion. Everything was going well for a few months. Then I noticed how much time I was spending alone, my boyfriend at the time was still studying and would visit home most weekends. That's when I realised that maybe this wasn't how I wanted to live my life. I was 400 miles away from home, my family, friends and I just couldn't connect with my work colleagues. I felt completely alone. I would work 5 days a week, go home, spend the nights with someone I wasn't sure of anymore and then on the weekends, he would leave and I'd spend the entire weekend in a tiny studio apartment, alone with my thoughts.

It wasn't healthy it made me paranoid and anxious, I used to love my own company.

You're probably thinking how can one situation like that lead to this? Well I have always been insecure. There are a couple of experiences that have impacted my life, bullying being one of them.

Throughout my middle school years I was bullied because of how I looked, I have shall we say... a prominent nose. I would get called names like Concorde, alien, E.T and more. It has stuck with me, even now at 25.

Another is the classic absent father. However I feel like my family and I had a lucky escape. He wasn't a good man. Not having a father around did have an impact on me as I got older and got involved with men. I had serious trust issues but craved finding true love. I have had four relationships and each of them all lasted at least one year. I had a tendency of holding on to something even when it wasn't working. It was as if I refused to give up, hoped they would change and stayed with them just to feel the love of a man (silly I know).

Eventually I saw sense and I am now in a very loving relationship with a man I can honestly say, will spend the rest of my life with ❤

I have read a few blogs on mental health however some of them have never opened up about how their mental health problems started. I think it's important to recognise how you've got to where you are, so you know how to overcome it.

Talking about your feelings is so important, I know first hand that sometimes talking to your nearest and dearest can affect them too. That's why I have been reading books, watching videos, reading blogs and now writing a blog. It helps to empty your mind, writing your feelings down takes that elephant off your chest. I'm a firm believer in self help, if you're suffering from any type of mental illness I advise you to start writing and reading. It makes you feel less alone, helps you to see the light at the end of the tunnel and keeps you focused on getting yourself better!

Here are a few mental health sites/blogs I find useful:

When did you recognise the start of your mental health? What sparked it off? How or have you overcome it? Let me know ☺

Urgh, so... I didn't get the travel agent job. The interviewer said I came across lovely but the numeracy test I had to do beforehand I scored low on 😒. It sucks because I really did feel I was in with a good chance, I revised for a few days day beforehand so I felt confident answering interview based questions, but it wasn't enough. Now I am back to the drawing board.

When I got the email my heart dropped to my stomach, I couldn't stop thinking "what did I do wrong? Was it the way my hair was? Was my make-up not right?" It was awful, I felt instantly anxious and feelings of worthlessness all came rushing back. So yeah, Monday was a pretty shitty day for me.

Two days later though and I'm okay, I mean I'm a little bitter but that's to be expected. When something hasn't worked out right for me in the past my Mam has always said "It wasn't meant to be, something better is going to come along". I hate to say it but, Mothers are usually right... it's weird how they just know isn't it?

Anyways, guess what?!

I have another job interview on Friday! It's a care job working with elderly people and although it's something I never thought I'd be interested in but I can see myself flourishing in that kind of work. The people I'm closest to have always said how caring and sensitive I am so I think it could be a good fit. It will just be nice to finish work and feel fulfilled because trust me, you don't get that feeling working in retail. 👎

Maybe I didn't get the travel agent job because the care job is meant for me? Just because you really want something doesn't mean you need it. If something is meant for you, it'll happen. Sometimes the timing just isn't right so fate steps in the way. But keep positive and have a little faith! 😗

I have no idea what I'm doing. This blogging stuff is pretty intimidating! I have lots of different topics I want to write about, I just don't know where to start. The last thing I want to do is word vomit post after post and bore you (this post probably isn't helping) but hey, I promised myself I'd be completely honest and open, not just for the readers (if any) but for me. I have always wanted to keep a diary to look back on, so bare with me and join me on my journey through life. If my past is anything to go on it's going to be (and I hate to quote Ronan Keating but..) a rollercoaster.

Sooo, I have been gearing myself up for months… hell maybe years to start writing my own journal and it has only been today (right now), that I have felt ready to share my thoughts and join this ever-growing blogging world!

I guess I should start with the boring stuff: My name is L, I live in England and I’m in my mid 20's. I was brought up with a very loving family, I struggled with the academic subjects in school – art and design was my thing and then somehow, I managed to get myself into university. I moved miles away from home for education, work and for what I thought was love (I’ll write about that another time though.)

 I have been wanting to start writing for ages now, as I see it as a release. I suffer from anxiety and low mood, so sometimes I feel as though I can’t confide in anyone. That’s not because I don’t have the support of my family and friends (I do!), it’s just sometimes I feel there is a limit as to how much I can tell a person about the crazy thoughts/feelings I have. My doctor advised me to go to therapy, so I gave it a go. Little did I know they could only offer me talking therapy over the telephone, I couldn’t even see the person who I was talking to (wtf?!) so I ended it after two sessions.

And that’s why I’m (finally) starting this! But don’t worry, I promise it won’t all be doom and gloom. I will be giving advice, tips and talking about the good things that happen in life too!

FOLLOW ON BLOGLOVIN'