On February 27th (last Monday) I turned 26, I had been dreading it for weeks. So much so that the weekend before I suffered from anxiety and panic attacks. I know it sounds dramatic, but I just kept saying to myself "I'm going to be 26 without the career job I hoped and worked hard for". Along with "I'm going to be 26 and I still don't own my own home, still not married and still not a Mother". They were all the things that I had envisioned my life to be, and it's far from it at the moment.

So I woke up to S turning over and shouting "HAPPY BIRTHDAAY", he made me a cuppa before having to scoot off to work. It sucked that he had to be at work on my birthday but I understand the pressure we're under financially, I knew he'd be home after work so it was cool. My family came over during the day with Birthday cake, wine and the home videos. I watched my 4 year old self prance around to Take That songs (my mams' favourite), lifting my jumper up to the camera (floozy) with not a care in the world. I was such a loved and happy child and it really showed in the videos, which was lovely to be reminded of.

S came home with flowers and a big balloon for me, we had Chinese food and then birthday pancakes with all the toppings (my favourite). He then spotted the home videos and we ended up watching those together, he thought I was a super cute baby and even mentioned how beautiful our kids will be. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside 😍.

It was a pretty quiet birthday compared to my others (I went to Amsterdam for my 25th) but I didn't mind, gone are the days where I would want to get really drunk in town 😂 (hey grandma).

The morning after I had a birthday breakfast catch up with L, one of my oldest and best friends. We made pancakes (it was shrove Tuesday) and talked about everything going on in each others lives. Our friendship is special, we can go for weeks or even months without being able to see each other (life gets in the way) but when we do meet up it's as if we just saw each other yesterday. She gets me and I get her. #friendshipgoals

Anyways after doing the thing I never do.. sit and think (sense my sarcasm) I've realised you can't rush things, everything happens at a time when it is supposed too. I mean yes I am beginning to get very impatient but I just hope the man in the sky has something up his sleeve for me. All you can do is stay hopeful, positive.. even if all you want to do is scream, cry, give up or whatever. *sighs*

Maybe by my 27th birthday post I'll have at least one of the things I had imagined, or even a puppy Pug will do. I am obsessed with dogs, puppies, pugs the lot! 🙈